There is a kind of aftershock that tends to hit me after a performance. Immediately following a show, I am quite naturally high as a kite and generally don’t hear a single thing anyone says to me. People may be shaking my hand, they may be congratulating me or sharing how much they enjoyed the show, but I am so far removed from my body, even the miraculously appropriate words that come from my own lips…”thank you”, “I’m so glad”, “so good to see you”…echo off the walls of my vacated self. I don’t know why this happens.
I have also tended to be hyper-agreeable. Give me an invitation or make a proposal for just about anything immediately following a show, and I’d shake my head enthusiastically that that would be lovely having no clue what I’ve just agreed to. Of course, I’m aware of that tendency now and so make it a point to say something like, “let me get back to you.”
I suppose this could all be because half of my brain immediately goes into “performance reflection” mode. Was it any good? Where did I mess up?” And in the worst of cases, “Why are these people being so nice when I clearly bombed?” I suppose it is a measure of my own insecurity how I must instantly assess how something went. I’d much rather hear constructive criticism after a show than a string of compliments of which I usually feel scarcely worthy. The criticism seems to ground me. I know what I can do better next time.
Performance Aftershock is not an enjoyable thing to go through…or at least is isn’t for me.
I developed the Principles of Sacred Performance to help myself overcome stagefright and the “aftershock” which for me was always worse than the stagefright.