Month: February 2017

In the Presence of Presence: Satsang with Mooji

By

On 2017-02-16

In Blog, Guidance & Inspiration

Do you know what it is to sit in the presence of unconditional love?

Last summer, I spent a weekend in satsang with a spiritual master. I don’t know what you might think of that phrase, dear reader. I don’t mean he’s a master of anyone but himself…a master of his own spirit. I don’t want to call him teacher because he really doesn’t have anything to teach, as he himself admits time and again. Teachers deal with knowledge, and I have no interest in acquiring more of that. Guru is often translated as “teacher”, so I prefer not to use that word either, although its true meaning, “disspeller of darkness” is certainly more to the point.

It has not escaped me how awkward I have felt telling people that I was going to sit with a “teacher”. I did this because they have some point of reference for teacher. If I said “spiritual master”, plenty of people would have looked at me funny, and too many people would think I had somehow given away my power to someone else, ready and willing to drink the cool-aid. In Customs at the UK airport, I had been honest about seeing a spiritual teacher. The response I received reminded me of when I was five years old and would speak of my imaginary friend. It felt just like that.

I arrived early on the first day of satsang. I was surprised to be one of only about 10 people already in line. My heart felt open, and I greeted everyone. Realizing I had time, I decided to get some breakfast. By the time I returned, the line had grown to about 25. As I waited in line, I looked around and felt so blessed. Here I was with open-hearted beings who understood. They’d experienced something too, and would not project their fears and judgments upon me…or if they did, they would not necessarily believe themselves. They wouldn’t look at me like I was crazy if I cried, nor assume I was suffering if I was. I felt safe, happy and grateful.

I was burning in the line. I knew exactly what I was going to say to Mooji given the chance. I was, in fact, determined to be the first person to speak to him:

“I was determined to speak with you, Mooji. I want to get as much as I can out of this opportunity. I came here to be seen by someone who could see me. I wanted to stand naked here and let everything show so that I knew from you, at least, I could not hide again. I don’t want to keep reinventing better versions of myself. I want to be done with myself. I want to burn, Mooji. I want there to only be ashes and not some damn phoenix that rises again. Help me burn, Mooji. I don’t trust my mind anymore. Help me relinquish this.”

Of course, none of that happened. And throughout the weekend, I’d have a pressing question or statement, raise my hand, not be called on, and so not even try the next time. Eventually, the questions and statements died away or morphed into something different, and I would again raise my hand. But I wasn’t one of the ones who ever got to speak.

Because I was early, I was in one of the first 6 rows very close to Mooji. I wanted this because, just as in the theatre, being this close allows you to be part of some special energy. Yes, it is everywhere, and yes, the entire audience can see the show, but only those up close can see the detailed expressions and sweat of the actors. It is easier to forget oneself and become part of the play. When Mooji entered the room, I spontaneously gasped. I couldn’t even see him over the heads of everyone in front of me, but I could feel him.

I loved hearing him speak. I loved the sensations that would flood me when his words felt as though they were meant only for me, answering some deep and unrecognized question within myself.

That afternoon, I lost my seat. Before lunch, they made an announcement to take all our belongings during lunch. Despite this announcement, many people left things on their seats thus saving their seats for the afternoon session. I was a little miffed at that and wished I too had ignored the rules! Fortunately, I was able to get a seat just behind the row I had been in because someone got up and left for some reason just before things got rolling again.

But my mood had changed. My mind became polluted. My attitude turned whiny. I kept thinking, “Why am I here?” I felt a little bored by the questions being asked…or sometimes jealous. I struggled to listen. Despite the effort, the truest words still landed softly and deeply.

I had to sneak out before everything finished because I had to meet my AirB&B host across town. I hated leaving and put it off to the last possible moment. I was a mess trying to find my bus…feeling rushed. As I left, the last thing I heard Mooji say was, “The whole world is late.” Somehow, I made it in time to my accommodation, and it was a sweet relief to have a base again after my first night in a hostel and having all my luggage with me all day.

That night, my muscles were a mess. I actually had charlie horses going off all over my body. It was somewhat disconcerting. I’d had plenty of water to drink. Something else was going on. My sleep was disturbed, too, but I somehow managed a little sleep.

The next morning, when I arrived for satang, the line was twice as long as the day before. While waiting in line, I began to journal some of my thoughts. Again, I was determined to speak to Mooji. I wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass again as I had yesterday. I wanted to get everything I could out of this experience. I had paid dearly and I felt like it was a matter of life or death. I wanted so desperately to say:

“I’m out of time! I came here as a matter of life and death and the weekend is half over. I feel two opposing forces in me. I feel I am in a vise. There is no room for truth in the ego and there is no room for ego in Truth. When all feels connected, supported, I forget everything else as having been my experience. When I fall from grace, it is as if grace never existed. The two worlds don’t seem to know each other. I came here to wake up, but I could just have easily gone to the beach or something. I could have given this body some pleasure and comfort, but instead, I came here. I’ve spent so much money to come here, but I feel disappointed. Why did I come here?

I don’t want to follow you, Mooji, like others here. I don’t want to need you forever. I want to accept the gift you are offering and go on with my life, whatever it looks like. I don’t want to need you. I want to walk alongside as an equal. If it is as easy as you say, then why are you the only one sitting up there? If it is truly as quick and easy as you say it can be, then why are so many of us choosing to remain in suffering and limitation? And if it takes a stroke of grace, then why the hell aren’t I at the beach enjoying myself instead of trying so damned hard?”

I was so desperate to speak with him that my mind convinced me that I could cut the line because somehow, my desire to be free was more important than a queue. It completely justified itself. It tempted me, “How much do you really want your freedom? If you are serious, then you need to show it!”

So when the queue started to move, I bee-lined for the door ignoring the 50 or so people ahead of me. I still can’t believe I did that! I wasn’t the only one who had tried this maneuver, though. In fact, it happened on day 1 as well, and I thought, “Those people have some nerve!” The venue was more on top of things on day 2 though and had made it impossible for us to push ahead, so I ended up roughly where I would have been anyway. My full lesson on this whole queue-cutting issue came later.

By the time we got inside, I was sitting once more in about the same spot as the day before, but I felt as though I had stolen it. I wanted the chance to speak and publicly declare my selfishness and arrogance and then offer my seat to another who felt the same burning I had felt, but who was not as fortunate to be so close. But I didn’t get the chance at redemption. I had to sit in my “stolen” seat and burn.

I had so many questions arise and fall that I felt as though I had lived a dozen different incarnations during the weekend. Something…or someone…would arise out of nothing, want to be seen and heard, but just as suddenly would cease to exist.

When we broke for lunch, after being reminded to take our things, I left a few things on my seat, unlike the day before, ignoring the announcement to “take everything with you”. Doing so allowed me the freedom to eat in peace without rushing back for a good seat. Actually, I wondered whether they would move everything this time, but with what played out in my head at lunchtime, it started not to matter to me if I had the same seat or not.

After lunch, I found I had again crashed. But this time, it presented as deep shame over what I’d done. I was seriously ashamed at myself for having cut in front of so many people as if I was the only one with a desire to be free, the only one who mattered. I was disgusted with my mind’s ability to rationalize the action to break the queue.

Sure enough, once they reopened the hall, I found they had moved the belongings of the people who had tried to save seats to a table in the back. Tricky devils. So I now found myself about 20 rows back. A giant wave of emotion overtook me as I waited for the satsang to begin, and I ran to the bathroom to stem the violent tears that came out of nowhere.

Once satsang started, something miraculous happened. Through Mooji’s pointing, I was able to let it all go…all my questions, all my stories, all my sins… My heart opened, and I was filled with the most magnificent gratitude I’d ever felt. All I wanted in that moment was to say “Thank you, Mooji! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

I never wanted the afternoon to end, but of course, it got late. Many people were leaving, probably to catch planes and such. I was grateful that on this night, I had no where to rush off to. I was determined to stay as long as possible and milk every drop from this final day. That’s when a gift came…

With only a few minutes left to Satsang, someone 2nd row center departed. Though it seemed foolish to move for only five or so minutes, I did. Wow! It was even more powerful. Now I understood why people fought for those seats.

Mooji greeted people afterward but I couldn’t get close enough to meet him myself. I could have hung around and perhaps done so after an hour, but I was tired. And I knew he wouldn’t hang around all night to see each and every person waiting. I found myself walking back to my bus stop. My mind was going back and forth…am I missing my chance to meet him? But I trusted where my body was carrying me and let it go. I was at peace with it. I had received so much already, and I knew this was a gift that would keep on giving.

That night, I had the most beautiful dream full of love.

At the airport on the way home, I had arrived to the gate and boarding had already started. I went right through and onto the airplane. I was shocked to find the airplane mostly empty. Only then did I realize that I had boarded “priority” for no reason at all. I wondered why all those people were looking at me funny, but it simply didn’t sink in. Now I understood my lesson.

The difference is that many of the people that cut the Mooji queue may have done so without realizing what they were doing. I on the other hand did it with complete self-serving intention. I may have convinced myself that it was my desperation and will to awaken, that I was fishing for grace to grant me some boon. At the airport, however, I got to board my plane early as a direct act of grace. It was an accidental action from which I benefited. Cutting the queue was a stinky, egoic act whereas I was carried by a river to board the plane early. It is this river that I want to trust with my life…that I wish I had trusted in satsang.

There was more space in my experience in the days following the weekend. I listened repeatedly to music and it  seeped deep into my cells. I found myself humming for days and days afterwards, the mantras like an alarm clock that chimed me into being. The words I still hear when I awaken are “Leave each day behind like flowing water. Free your sadness. Yesterday is gone. Its tale is told. Today new seeds are growing…”

Two days after the weekend, back at home, I had an ecstatic feeling sweep over me…something I’ve had before but not felt for a very, very long time. It’s sweetness and vibration was indescribable. I knew it would pass, so I gave into it and got as much as I could out of it while it stuck around. Despite the passing of such fleeting sensations, this journey marks a pivot point in my life, a deepening into spiritual maturity and a more peaceful daily life as well as a quickened path to acceptance of what is.

My two biggest lessons of the weekend: I am there before every thought, every sensation, every action and life is kinder and wiser than the mind imagines.

Thank you, Mooji Baba.

Aka Dua: Days 12 – 15

By

On 2017-02-08

In Blog

This is an ongoing diary of my 14-day initial practice since receiving the Level I Transmission of the ancient healing energy known as Aka Dua. Actually, I think I might have accidentally written twice on one day without realizing it. No matter…

First Entry
Days 3-5
Days 6-8
Days 9-11

Day 12

My dreams have been incredibly spacious the last two nights. The rooms I’ve been in have been very zen, very white, very meticulous. Nothing sterile-feeling, but very fresh.

Last night, I practiced with the Aka Dua before doing my guru yoga. I worked with some of the exercises in Arlan Cage’s book, Aka Dua: An Ancient Healing Energy for a New Era. I’m familiar with these exercises but in other guises and versions. It seems every teacher I’ve worked with has a slightly different way of approaching the techniques which bring about the same outcomes. Some might consider this a “purity of the teachings” issue. But it is one thing I have always loved most about the Toltec path. Even in Tensegrity, the teaching is to modify the exercise to best suit the individual. It is meant to be a unique path; it is meant to evolve. It’s so different from the rigid forms I’ve experienced in other traditions in which the way of doing something is almost fanatically enforced. I understand the danger of things getting watered down or appropriated so as to lose their power, but I hold the opinion that what one does with clear intent and dedication is not in threat. I might have a lot more to say on this topic at some point, but I won’t get into it any further here.

I was thinking about Teotihuacan last night and attempting to find the frequencies represented. Of course, there is the sun and moon, prominently featured. And there’s plenty o’ atmosphere. Ocean and volcanic? Well, obsidian for sure. Wasn’t Mexico City built on water? And the volcano isn’t far away, is it? Anyway, just ruminations.

Day 13

Here’s another rumination that has begun as a result of working with the Aka Dua. I was viewing some pictures representing each of the seven frequencies and pondering the order in which they are presented. The sun, the light which brings everything into view…the moon, which reflects and allows that manifestation to see itself…the atmosphere or space in which manifestation can grow and evolve…water, life giver…volcanic, heat making matter…obsidian, the density of matter…and all of it dissolving again into the unnamed.

I worked with the energies this morning. Nothing phenomenal to record that I haven’t mentioned already. I’m really looking forward to getting my attunement so I can have some of the subtleties I’ve been experiencing confirmed and feel more confident with each frequency.

Day 14

My practice today was done in the morning after yoga, accompanied by the Moola mantra. I called upon the energy again later in the day at a group meditation hosted by a friend. It certainly keeps me focused because all my attention is going towards feeling the more subtle sensations of the energy. But I had another difficult night sleeping last night, and I can’t help but wonder about the Aka Dua connection since these recent sleep issues coincided with the transmission. That said, there is so much going on with solar weather and Schumann Resonance and astrology that could also account for sleeping difficulties, so the jury is out. And, maybe it’s just me!

Last night, I had a very strange dream once I did fall asleep. Like a magician who pulls a series of never-ending scarves from his mouth, I dreamed I was pulling out an endless golden substance like honey or treacle. It was somewhat disturbing actually. Because AD is often described as a thick, golden energy, when I woke up, my first thought was that my body had rejected the Aka Dua. I recognized that for what it was…an interpretation arising from fear. And one is always free to interpret things from love or fear, so after some consideration and research into the dream symbology, I decided it was just as likely to be positive…that maybe the energy had helped me to purge something that had become so deeply imbedded in me that I had mistaken it for myself. A quick check in with the teacher affirmed that the message was a positive one and was meant to be instructional.

Day 15

I almost forgot to mention…0ne night when I couldn’t sleep, I came up with a game inspired by my AD journey that is actually more challenging that it would seem. The idea is to think a thought you would never think (of course, once you think it, it all goes out the window, but…) Sounds simple enough! It seems the tendency is to think thoughts one wishes were true…or that one would likely think if one’s situation changed. But the trick is to think thoughts that you would never think in this lifetime. So, if I thought, “I wish my mother named me Hector,” that would be a fairly decent example of a thought I wouldn’t think. Whereas, “Ug, flying first class with champagne again?” is more a thought I might think if I were lucky enough! It’s an eye-opening game because one begins to realize the power of thought to limit and confine. It opens us to our habits, boundaries, expectations, and all sorts of thing.

I practiced with the energy standing up today. It’s definitely a different experience than sitting as the energy is free to flow through the limbs. I stood as a five-pointed star and practiced with the idea of the AD originating in a particular part of my body in an endless stream, radiating outward. Afterwards, I chanted the 3 Heart Essences and was struck by a line in one of the prayers that reads, “Rang-Rig Ye-shey Khong-ne Char-wei Ngo-Drub Tsol” or “Empower us with the elixer that raises within us the wisdom of awareness.” It made me weep with joy because I felt it illuminated my dream from the night before and pointed to a possible relationship between the Aka Dua (or perhaps its predecessor) and this elixer, all in a text written thousands of years ago.

Do you want to learn more about Aka Dua? Join the new Aka Dua Network on Facebook!

Aka Dua: Days 9 – 11

By

On 2017-02-05

In Blog

This is an ongoing diary of my 14-day initial practice since receiving the Level I Transmission of the ancient healing energy known as Aka Dua.

First Entry
Days 3-5
Days 6-8

Day 9

I have yet to do much with the Aka Dua today. It has been a busy day! I actually met with a friend and received a lovely Reiki treatment which I felt was long overdue and which helped me release some very stale energy. It was a powerful session that made some things very clear to me about my life. I won’t go into that here, but I will say that it was made clear during the session that what Aka Dua has provided me is a stability with my own energy. It has been not just a transmission of energy received, but an empowerment.

Oh, and I received an email today from Sadhaka, an energy healer with a youtube channel that has a nice library of Aka Dua-related videos. He had made two videos in which the watcher was supposed to receive and guess the AD energy transmitted; you have to email him for the answer. I had sent him an email saying what I believed he was transmitting in the first video, and he affirmed my answer! That felt good. But he went on to say he stopped making videos in that series because the energy hit people in different ways and people had different experiences of it that he didn’t want to discount.

I watched another video of his in which he takes us through the chakras with the various frequencies. I may have mentioned it in an earlier entry. Anyway, I plan on working with it again. I’ll report back tomorrow.

Day 10

Last night, I worked with the Vitriolum/chakra practice I wrote about. I was curious about the meaning of the word “vitriolum” which comes from Alchemy:

“The acronym V.I.T.R.I.O.L.U.M., used in alchemical literature, is formed by the Latin expression “Visita Interiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem Veram Medicinam”, what means “Visit the interior of the earth, and by rectifying you will find the hidden stone which is the true medicine”.

Soul-Guidance.com

I love the video, and the practice is powerful, but I’m not sure I’ll do it at night again. It may be coincidence but it sure hasn’t helped me sleep!

Today, I decided to work with the energy earlier in the day, as so far, I have found it incredibly stimulating. I think nighttime practice is best suited to certain frequencies and not others. I’ve been noticing with some consistency now that I tend to get a cold rush when I activate the energy. My eyes also water. I also noticed that some frequencies still run more palpable for me than others…the others still touchable but oh, so subtle. Solar, for example, is still very subtle, which surprises me because a few days ago when receiving solar energy from someone else, it nearly knocked me over. Atmospheric, Lunar, and Oceanic are the three most consistent for me now. Volcanic and Obsidian both create that prickly sensation for me, but I don’t quite “understand” them yet. The Unnameable energy is the most familiar and the most powerful.

Day 11

The day got away from me, so before bed, I did my usual chanting practice, did some mirror work around some limiting beliefs I realized are no longer serving me, and then activated the AD with the intent of it helping me to release any remaining fragments of those beliefs and help me to anchor in the new replacement beliefs that arose during the mirror work. I felt a very nice, strong pulsing in my fingertips and a short moment later, an unwinding and ever-so-small shift in the area of my assemblage point, a sort of “projection room” to the film of our individual lives, which to me felt like a positive affirmation or confirmation that the energy was performing as requested.

Do you want to learn more about Aka Dua? Join the new Aka Dua Network on Facebook!

Carl Jung

By

On 2017-02-03

In Blog, Mirrors

“He who looks in the mirror of the water, first sees his own image. He who looks at himself, risks to meet himself. The mirror does not flatter, it shows accurately what is reflected in it, namely that face that we never show the world because we hide it by the persona, the mask of the actor. This is the first test of courage on the inner path, a test, which is enough to frighten most people, because the encounter with oneself belongs to those unpleasant things, one avoids as long as one can project the negative onto the environment.”

Carl Jung

Aka Dua: Days 6 – 8

By

On 2017-02-01

In Blog

In my last post about the Aka Dua, I said I would write this time about how Aka Dua is transmitted. The person who brought Aka Dua to the West, a man known as Koyote the Blind, received the energy from his teachers on the Toltec path. Originally, he was the one who was attuning people, disseminating the energy. Now, there are many people all over the world who have received and can transmit the Aka Dua energy, and in fact, many have put their own unique spin on it. As it is meant to be an evolutionary energy, this is expected, whereas there is a different philosophy behind something like Reiki, where lineage and purity of form is typically held to be of more importance. There are currently five levels of transmission, but only the first three are available to the public, so I’ll just write briefly about the first three:

Thanks for this unforgettable photograph, Bruce Omori. I’m using it as my screensaver. Check out his other incredible photography at Extreme Exposure!

Level One Transmission – one receives the substance of the Aka Dua which may present itself as one or more of the frequencies: solar, lunar, oceanic, volcanic, atmospheric, obsidian, and unnamed. It takes 28 days for this energy to settle, but his must be supported by 14 days of intentional daily practice.

Level Two Attunement – after the 28 days, one can receive this attunement of the Aka Dua energies. Here each of the 7  frequencies becomes fully accessible.

Level Three Mastery – this level of mastery allows one to combine the energies for healing purposes and also to transmit Level One and Two to others.

Day 6

Yesterday, I got the feeling that I’ve been trying too hard with the energy. So last night, after my mantra practice, I approached more gently. I simply made a ball of energy between my hands and sat with it quietly. I felt lunar and atmospheric. I am confident with those two frequencies. The others I am still not confident with, and I don’t want to force anything…just take it as it comes. When I was done, I placed the energy at my 3rd eye. I went on at night to dream of an anatomy book of sorts complete with pictures and diagrams being downloaded to me page by page at rapid speed.

I agree with what others have said/written about the Aka Dua. It is like an antenna or amplifier in that it seems to have impacted all my other practices. I feel it when I do my morning yoga. I feel it when I chant and meditate. I feel it underneath my intent, reinforcing it.

Day 7

Wow! One week already!? I received my copy of Aka Dua: An Ancient Healing Energy for a New Era by lead Aka Dua instructor, Arlan Cage. I was floored when I read the exact same two words I used yesterday, “antenna and amplifier”, to describe the energy! Maybe I saw it somewhere else and subconsciously applied it. So, last night, I practiced some techniques from the manual while listening to a brilliant advanced chakra balancing piece of music by Shapeshifter called Odyssey Empowerment. I practiced opening to the energy, holding the energy, moving it around my body, feeling for different frequencies, just being with it, taking it slow. Afterwards I drifted into lovely visions with the music, entering a temple where I was purified and cleansed, honored and welcomed. It was beautiful and magical there. It was home. It made me cry!

I’ve been thinking a lot about how this AD energy might be applied outside of individual or even group healing. I feel like there’s so much more that can be done with it, but I keep feeling that it will take a community. For me, that community isn’t built yet, so I just keep visualizing. For example, I see a group of willing practitioners gathering on Skype from all over the world to build bridges of energy and connect very intentional anchor points across the globe. I also see groups of us gathering at places around the world that need to be cleansed and purified of past traumas (work I’ve done with other groups years before)…a sort of seeping into and breaking apart of ancient densities so the energy that is reinforcing the darkness can be freed up and rechanneled.

I worked with the Aka Dua twice today, once briefly outside hands in the grass and then in the same way as yesterday, with music. When working with the earth, I felt as if my hands were two suction cups. It was very difficult to disengage. But the exchange was incredibly sweet and made me teary. And when I say exchange, it felt that I wasn’t the only one giving energy. I was receiving back. It was a peaceful circle.

I used a technique from Arlan Cage’s book again to get the energy going a little later in the evening. Again, I didn’t try so hard, just let things flow. I intend to flow each of the frequencies, but then it either comes or it doesn’t. I don’t force, just pay attention. I had an interesting unwinding in my right palm right off. I also had what I believe to be oceanic energy…vast and deep. I also…well, I turned my hands a certain way, and all of the sudden, I felt something quite different and unusual…like a weight. Actually, it is quite hard to describe what I felt. Honestly, the closest I can get is to say it felt like pure power. I actually exclaimed “holy shit!” This I offered up to the angels because it didn’t feel prudent to do anything else with it.

Day 8

What a night last night! I couldn’t sleep. My mind was racing. Around 2am, I’d had enough, so I pulled out my lavender essential oil and starting running some AD energy. Technically, I’m not supposed to be able to create combinations with the energy yet, but I intended to anyway, out of desperation. I asked for Lunar and Oceanic energies and christened that “Lullaby”. It did indeed help to quiet my mind, but something was missing. I added Atmospheric and that helped me relax more deeply. Before I feel asleep I started to wonder about adding a 4th frequency that would take me from “lullabies” to “sweet dreams”.

The amazing thing is that I experienced two very distinct NEW frequencies upon falling asleep. One I think I may now have a false memory for; I can’t be 100% certain this is what it was, but I think it could be likened to Quake. When it came into me (or out of me), it started shaking things. It was a density-buster. Again, there’s a small niggling I don’t remember this correctly. But the next one I do. What came next was electrical or starlight…it was pure white…and it pushed through and poured out from all the space created by the previous energy. It was truly a magnificent thing to witness. They were both completely amazing experiences. Now I wish that I forced myself awake to journal about them both immediately.

I practiced with the energy this morning again in meditation. I was back to experiencing it as simply “Aka Dua” and not anything in particular, just a nice pulse of energy. It did, however, have a lovely affect on the overall energy of the room and my meditation.

Want to learn more? Join the new Aka Dua Network on Facebook!

Previous Aka Dua Posts:

First Entry
Days3-5

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén