Year: 2019

The Wounded Yogini Part III: Having Healed

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On 2019-10-30

In Yoga & Movement

This summer was a real challenge for me. I had a pinched nerve in my neck which created a constant radiating pain into my left finger. For over a month, I couldn’t even sit at my computer; I had to stand. And I couldn’t type with that finger at all. Sometimes, I would get an electro-shock down my arm as well. It was almost impossible to sleep at night. I soon learned that I have cervical arthritis and stenosis. I was told I needed surgery (though I had no intention of having any, and for awhile, I wondered if my yoga practice would ever be the same.

The good news is that is will never be the same. Why is that good news? Because what I learned about my body and myself during this “test” has taught me invaluable lessons I was unlikely to learn any other way. It’s now five months from the date of my initial injury, and while I still technically have arthritis and stenosis, I have zero pain and am able to do everything I could do before the inury. (There are, however, some things I choose not to do.)

But what I wanted to write about here is how I healed from what could have been a career-stopping injury. I’ll start by saying that I believe in the body’s capacity to heal itself. Given the right conditions, we mend. There was no way I was going to consider something as drastic as surgery when I’d only been in pain for such a tiny span of my life. Besides, I was well aware that spinal surgeries often do more harm than good. Let the doctors say what they will; I turned inside to know what was best for me, and I knew that was waiting things out.

If we drive ourselves crazy with fear, we perpetuate the problem. If we believe oursevles to be broken or even fragile, we scare oursevles into hypervigiliance. If we remain unwilling to look at what caused the problem or unwilling to change that, again, we only make the duration of the problem longer. Yes, I had to look at some things…some habits of mind and soreness of heart…unresolved pain that was simply expressing itself through my neck.

I also accredit my recovery to the Energization practices of Parmahansa Yogananda. This is a set of simple but profound exercises created by Yogananda to keep the body strong and healthy, among other benefits.  While I couldn’t do every single exercise while in pain and had to modify several of them during my healing process, I know certain exercises helped to stregthen my neck and back and realign my spine.

I also behaved and stayed away from things that would have exacerbated the problem. I had to stop eating inflammatory foods. I had to adjust how I slept. And I had to alter my work-life. This took some arresting of the ego, especially as I continued to teach classes and often couldn’t demonstrate or do myself what I was asking of my students. But in that way, I think it made me far more attentive to and curious about the process of my students.

Finally, I was patient while never doubting (yes, there were moments, but then I’d remind myself) that I would be well again. Healing takes time. It requires self-care. It takes a certain amount of faith. And it takes grace. Fortunately, yoga cultivates self-care, patience, faith, and grace. Today, I’m feeling better than ever and constantly learning to improve my relationship with my own body as well as my understanding of yoga.

Yoga Beyond the Fluff: The Power of Prayer Hands

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On 2019-08-06

In Blog, Yoga & Movement

Sometimes, the most simple things in yoga never get explained or are explained incompletely by those who poorly understand them. A familiar mudra or hand pose you’ve probably done a hundred times (especially if you grew up in a religious household) in yoga classes is “prayer pose”, or anjali mudra (prana mudra in kundalini yoga). It is traditionally known worldwide as a gesture of turning inward or of expressing goodwill and peace.

But yoga is not a religion; it’s a science. Do you know the scientific significance of prayer hands? There are several facets of this special mudra worth understanding.

First let’s consider the meanings. A mudra is a “seal” and “anjali” could be translated as “an honoring”. By forming our hands this way, we assume an attitude of reverence. It’s considered a daily greeting gesture of respect in Eastern traditions. You are most likely familiar with “Namaste” which literally means, “I salute you,” but is often translated to mean, “The light in me honors the light in you.” Used in the traditional way, it is a greeting and not a parting. However, it is often seen used as a closing in yoga classes. Perhaps the intention is the most important aspect of its meaning.

Now on to the science. The hands and fingers are filled with sensitive nerve receptors. These nerves are intelligent enough to help you know when something is hot, cold, soft, prickly, etc. and they communicate that information to the brain’s cerebral cortex.

Now, as you probably know, your brain has two halves: the right brain is our creative and intuitive hemisphere while the left is our analytic and logical side. When we bring our hands together, the right being controlled by the left brain and the left by the right, we are in essence, integrating brain function, bringing balance between left and right. Dominant brain halves are thus neutralized bringing improved concentration and focus.

But wait. There’s more. The right side of the body represents the sun and masculine energy (pingala) while the left side represents the feminine and moon (ida). When we bring the hands together in prayer pose, we are balancing these polar energies as well, creating a neutral space in the body’s electromagnetic field.

To perform Anjali Mudra:

  1. Start seated in easy pose, or if uncomfortable on the floor, sit in a chair or stand in mountain pose.
  2. Bring your palms together in front of the heart, thumbs touching the sternum.
  3. Seal the outer edges of your palms and fingertips. In some traditions, leaving a small gap between the palms is recommended while in others, the entire surface of the hands and fingers touch. Experiment to find what feels right for you. (Sometimes, I let the fingers cross slightly).
  4. Release unnecessary tension through the arms. If you like, apply a gentle pressure through the hands to feel them coming together. Notice the balance of tension from left going right, and right moving left. Now relax.
  5. Close your eyes and lift your awareness upward toward the point slightly above and between the eyes. Remain aware of any sensations or phenomenon.
  6. Breath relaxed but deep breaths. Pray if you want. Remain for a minute or more.
  7. To come out, bow the head with reverence and release.

I want to briefly mention the thumbs and the significance of pressing them into the breastbone. This activates a reflex point of the vagus nerve, which is one of the longest nerves in the body traveling from the head, ears, through the neck, linking our heart, lungs and abdomen.

The vagus nerve is associated with both our ability to rest, relax and regenerate and with our often overused habits of shutting down, running away, and disconnecting when we sense a threat. The vagus nerve helps to regulate our breathing, the body’s anti-inflammatory response, and heartrate. It also affects our memory and ability to tap into our “gut” sense. Research has shown that stimulation of the ventral vagal nerve, along the front body, activates these feelings of safety and calm, so crucial to yoga practice. So, when we press into the sternum with our thumbs, we are activating the ventral vagal nerve and its positive aspects.

So maybe why we perform Anjali Mudra is beginning to make a lot more sense to you. But in addition to the linguistic meanings and science behind Anjali, there is of course, the spiritual implication best described by Krishnamacharya, well-known yoga teacher and scholar (1880-1989), who wrote:


This gesture signifies the potential for an intention to progress to the greatest spiritual awakening. When done properly the palms are not flat against each other; the knuckles at the base of the fingers are bent a little, creating space between the palms and fingers of the two hands resembling a flower yet to open, symbolizing the opening of our hearts.

 

In summary, Anjali mudra aligns us with the right attitude to center ourselves and pray. It inspires our posture upward, and it also brings calm to the emotional body and mind, balance to the brain, and opens the heart. Furthermore, it signifies our spiritual aspiration and prepares us to receive spiritual awakening. So next time you find yourself in yoga class placing your hands together in prayer, may you have an enriched experience by recalling some of what’s behind it.

 

Some Changes Coming – INtuitive Yoga Lab

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On 2019-07-30

In Blog, Yoga & Movement

In my last two posts, I wrote about how a recent injury has made me more aware of my essential approach to yoga as well as how my own practice is having to change as a wounded yogini.

In light of my ponderings, I’m going to be slowly introducing a new class style called INtuitive Yoga Lab. This is going to incorporate the 4 essentials I wrote about in my last post:

  • Slow way way down. Then slow down some more.
  • Resistance is the opportunity.
  • Consider parts to the whole.
  • Question everything.

The goal of INutitive Yoga Lab is to make it easier for people to honor these principles by:

  1. Making yoga class accessible to various abilities at once
  2. Creating lots of space and time (and props!) within class for explorations
  3. Facilitating the discovery of a personalized movement form for each individual
  4. Helping students to further develop their inner authority and body-honoring intuition.

It may take some time for me to fully develop and refine this way of doing things, and it may take some time for students to get used to this level of self-empowerment in a yoga class, but I believe this approach is well-overdue (I mean this in general and in terms of mainstream yoga; of course, there are those who do and have been taking this or a similar approach for many years) and greatly needed.

In INtuitive Yoga Lab, there will be certain foundational movements taught in conjunction with traditional yoga postures. But overarching everything, I wil encourage an individualized, intuitive, and inquisitive movement practice. Some of the elements that will be introduced and cultivated include both traditional and non-traditional yoga:

  • Pranayama
  • Mind/Body Energy Flow
  • Concentration
  • Self-healing
  • Somatic pandiculation
  • Developmental and natural movement
  • Proprio and Interoceptive Training
  • Traditional Asana
  • Meditation
  • Voicework & Sound
  • Restorative Yoga

Indeed many of these aspects are not unfamiliar to my students already, especially those who attended my Absolute Beginners workshop. However, the way I have been delivering them is in for a change. A lab is a scientific environment in which one conducts experiments. Sometimes, important discoveries are made. Other times, things flop. On ocassion, one waits and waits for something to happen. It’s all part of life in the lab. INtuitive Yoga Lab is about giving you and your body temple safety, time and space to experiment, explore and discover your body and its interconnection to mind and spirit.

 

The Wounded Yogini Part II: Yogic Essentials

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On 2019-07-28

In Blog, Yoga & Movement

In my last post, I wrote about how a recent injury and subsequent discovery of health issues has inspired me to develop a clearer picture of my approach of yoga and how I want to facilitate it for others Today, I’d like to attempt to clarify what are for me, the most important aspects of a healthy yoga practice, particularly in relation to asana (or postures).

A Bit of Background

I was originally drawn to Iyengar yoga in my late 20’s. It was a good yoga for my 20-year-old body and helped me deal with middle back pain. I later discovered kundalini yoga in my late 30’s. It was the perfect yoga for that period in my life, too, taking me right into my 50’s. I attribute the long health of my back, despite its “issues” to kundalini practices. But when I finally took teacher training, it was in a somatic, intuitive style of yoga, definitely the fringe.

That training reintroduced me to aspects of my dance life pre-20’s. I loved incorportating those more creative elements so much that I got curious about the application of other forms of movement in my yoga practice as well, like developmental movement and martial arts. I believe we can learn more from variety, maybe because we are variety. While there are certainly great gifts in focusing well on one thing, when it comes to the body, the more variety, the more integrated we become, and the more integrated we are, the better able we are to respond to life.

So, I’m certainly neither a purist nor even a traditionalist when it comes to asana, to the chagrin of some and the delight of others.

The Point of Practice

So if we don’t have to practice only yoga poses or even every yoga pose to be a yogi, what’s the point of even having a physical movement practice?  The original point of asana was preparation for meditation. It was meant to relax the body and release tension so that deeper states of meditation would be possible. I actually do find this an essential part of practice but in addition to the ultimate goal of deeper states of meditation, asana provides other benefits such as:

  • nervous system resilience
  • the undoing and freeing of restriction
  • more connected and coordinated movement
  • improved and supportive breath
  • strength and “response” ability with ease

So then, how do we access those benefits? Following are what I consider to be 4 of the most important elements to my approach to asana:

Dielle’s Yogic Essentials

Slow way way down. Then slow down some more.

We’ve got to have time to feel every tiny articulation and connection through a movement. As experienced yogis, if we’re speeding through from one pose to the next, we aren’t likely to catch any of that. Rather, we’re reproducing stale postures from muscle memory. It’s not that that’s “wrong”, but habit and conditioning needs to be broken through now and again. Change is an inevitable part of life, and just as our bodies change day to day, so should our practice. Slowing down gives that practice juice and life and the chance to experience something totally new and unexpected. Every yoga session is best approached with beginner’s mind. Absolute beginners especially need to know that the journey is far more important than some end result. If the approach doesn’t feel right, the landing won’t either! Yes, take a run-of-the-mill beginners class, and you often see students trying to go from 0 to 60, so to speak, without moving through 2 – 59. They can’t breathe, they are tense, and their likely to hurt themselves. We have to train ourselves to go slow enough to recognize the body’s signals. Furthermore, we need a window of opportunity in front of the pain that sets in only after we hurt ourselves. If we do something without thought or automatically, sure, it may come quite easily. But we can come to regret it rather quickly.

Resistance is the opportunity.

When we come up against resistance, the  body is delivering a very clear and simple message. And no, it isn’t the message that resistance is an opportunity to push through and past it. “No pain, no gain” is a sado/masochistic mantra. Rather, resistance is your cue to “be” and “breathe”. I’ve been in classes where I’ve witnessed other students gasping for or producing labored breath in more challening poses. Nothing was said about it though they were clearly uncomfortable and efforting. The breath should always be the first clue that something isn’t going well and that the body is being pushed too far. In essence, we’ve stopped doing yoga. When we hit those places when the body says, “Stop!”, when we’ve gone as far as we can go–really even before that point–this has to be the place where we obey and honor the body. Our work is right there. If that means we’re not “doing it right”, so be it. If it means we look like amoebas instead of pristine yogis, so be it. If class goes on without us, so be it. I know it can be super challenging to just close yourself off in your own little world and repeat something over and over when that isn’t what the rest of the room is doing; it can be even more awkward when the teacher draws attention to it. But it’s not dishonoring the teacher or the other students when you take care of yourself. Rather, you’re demonstrating intergrity and inner authority; that’s yoga. It takes deep humilty to be honest in yoga class.

Parts to the Whole

I recently took a class, otherwise totally enjoyable, in which I was cued to lock my front knee. I ignored the cue. The instructor informed me how helpful it would be if I could, and when I wouldn’t, he assumed I had a bad knee and was modifying for that. I could live with his assumption…because my knees aren’t bad….because I don’t lock them! Our joints aren’t meant to be locked, bone grinding against bone, straining the ligaments and other connective tissues. They are meant to have room to respond to life’s unexpected challenges. I already know all too well from my recent discoveries how overstressing the joints results in osteoarthritis. My neck is well into the domino process of degeneration. I intend to save what’s left! This relates to an important aspect of movement: the relationship of the parts to the whole. We’re not machines with easily replaceable parts. We are whole organisms connected head to foot in numerous ways. That’s why surgery doesn’t always help but often leads to even more problems. It’s also why certain alignment cues can do us more harm than good. What affects one part affects the whole. When we don’t keep this in our awareness, we’re more likely to injure ourselves.

Question everything.

Realize that every yoga teacher teaches a combination of two things: what they have been taught and what they have discovered. In so much as they teach what they have been taught, there is a lot of room for error, misinterpretation, and the perpetuation of myths. A good example is the use of “Namaste” at the end of yoga classes, which is akin to saying, “Hello” instead of “Goodbye” when you hang up the phone. None of us are free from those little inaccuracies going back through the ages. I’ve learned things that turned out to be incorrect…whether scientifically- or merely personally-speaking. In so much as teachers teach what they have discovered, while it still may or may not apply to anyone else, at least there’s a very good chance for a deeper understanding and more effective application. The danger in any class is placing too much authority with the teacher. We’re trained all our young lives into adulthood to abdicate to authority. But perhaps the most critical issue to anyone’s yoga practice is remembering that the body, so unique in build, alignment, and expression, is the only authority. Therefore, our job as yogis is to develop our body-mind intuition and obey what is tells us.

That in itself is a life-long practice and a lesson best learned early on to avoid long-term physical issues later.

Stay safe yogis!

Words for the Soft (and Hard) Hearted

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On 2019-07-25

In Blog

When you picture your own heart or that of someone else, what do you envision? Do you see the typical valentine heart with two symmetrical bumps in a shade of red or pink? Maybe you picture a more biological heart like a bulbous fist? Maybe you see one of those hard resin models used in anatomy classes.

I came across an amazing video the other day opened my heart imaginations to new realms. It was posted on the website of Gil Hedley, who is a Rolfer and creator of Integral Anatmony. If you can stand the science of dissection, there are actually several interesting videos available. While my initial reaction is always a gag reflex, fascination soon takes over. The video that changed my life was called “Beautiful Fluid Human Heart”. In it, Hedley palpates a human heart to show that it is not a rigid structure, but more akin to a soft little bean bag. We all know the heart is a very strong muscle, and when it is living and engorged with blood, pumping away, then yes, it is a firm, tensile organ, but with no life left in it, it is a truly tender thing.

I actually cried as I watched the video because it totally shot my perception of the heart to pieces and in so many ways. You see, my mother suffered congestive heart failure, and I’ve often wondered if I would endure the same fate. I always had this idea in my head of a guarded heart, one struggling to push on. Throughout my life, my head has been filled with notions of “a hardened heart”, “broken” hearts and closed-off hearts afraid to love. I even adopted spiritual practices to “open my heart” and clear the heart chakra because I was told, and believed, that there was something wrong with mine. I practiced the work, but in my mind, there was always this association of having to change the state of my heart and overcome its failings. I think what hit me most when I watched the video was that it is a physical reality that our hearts are soft little sacs. It’s the physical truth…before any work, spiritual or otherwise, be done.

With this newfound appreciation of my heart’s tenderness, I have a different relationship with not only my own heart, but that of others. This idea of a hard heart…it simply isn’t the truth. Underneath it all, we are all soft-hearted by our very nature. Compassion and Universal Love are our birthright. We simply need to remove all the mistaken impressions that keep us from this realization.

And if the heart only becomes tensile with life in it, then that tension is part of life. It too is natural. Constriction and softening are two sides of that same force required to give life. One is not better than the other. They work together. When there is only one and not the other, the physical heart cannot live on.

In June of 2018, I discovered the contemplative work of The Gene Keys by Richard Rudd. If you are familar with that work, then you likely already see the connection this insight has the potential to give. This video has blessed me with a profound understanding of not only Gene Key 25 (Constriction/Acceptance/Universal Love) as described above, but it has also helped me deepen my relationship to the 29th (Half-heartedness/Commitment/Devotion). I realized that half-heartedness was living in fear of the natural contraction/expansion dance of life. To live with a full heart is to accept both and let the veil of duality drop. The commitment is to all of life…a full life…and both states of a living heart.

The Wounded Yogini

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On 2019-07-23

In Blog, Yoga & Movement

You may be familiar with the term “wounded healer”. The idea is that one has to go through his or her own healing journey in order to be able to help someone else. For the last month, I’ve been a wounded yogini after a fairly innocuous warm-up left me with an odd feeling in my left upper quadrant with radiating, tingly pain down my arm into my fingers.

The warm-up was nothing that “should” have injured me. However, due to pre-existing conditions, it was enough to get my attention. And really, it’s a good thing, because if I hadn’t of been made aware of the state of my neck, which I’ll get to in a moment, I could have done even more serious damage.

I took a trip to the doctor, something I really dislike. My generalist is also a chiropractor, and while in ordinary circumstances, that would have been helpful, in my case, it probably wasn’t. He adjusted me and successfully corrected the numbness in my last two digits, but then the problem moved to my index finger, which is another nerve entirely, and has been there ever since.

The diagnosis has been somewhat unexpectedly complex. After the requisite x-rays and an MRI, it was discovered that I have several issues (and probably should not have been given an adjustment at all!): reverse curve; at least one herniated disk contributing to my current thoracic outlet syndrome, which is the pain down the arm into my finger; cervical stenosis or a narrowing of the space around the spinal cord; and osteoarthritis. OH MY!

Now, as a person who loves to move, this isn’t terribly exciting news, but as a former costume character dancing in costumes that exerted incredible weights on the head, it’s not entirely a surprise either! Nor is it the end of the world. Yes, I have to make some changes to my personal practice and teaching methods, some for the time-being and others longer term.

The good news is, that while I couldn’t even type with my left index finger two weeks ago, now I can. So there’s definitely improvement to the acute issue. I’m also fortunate enough not to need any pain medication (despite the lunch sack of prescriptions my doctor attempted to give me). Gentle stretching, herbal remedies, kineseotaping, “scientific healing affirmations” as taught by Paramhansa Yogananda, and essential oils have so far been enough, and for that I am incredibly grateful.

In regards to my yoga practice, three things come to mind:

  1. yoga is so much more than the asanas, some of which I will never be able to do again…and that’s okay
  2. this experience is helping me to redefine and clarify “my yoga” and how I want to share it
  3. I’m now better equipped to help other people with similar issues to do what they can without exacerbating a condition

In this post, I want to talk solely about the first point and leave the others for another time.

It’s interesting. In learning about my conditions, I have come across a lot of writings by other yoga teachers or people who wanted to be yoga teachers describing injuries that either shut them down or forced them to change their approach to yoga. Those that loved yoga for its purely physical aspects definitely have a harder time coping with injury. I consider myself blessed to know that yoga is not just about asanas or postures. Yoga is about right lifestyle and developing resilience. It’s about the breath, concentration, meditation, absorption, and ultimately, liberation. Fortunately, the only aspect of my yoga that will need to adapt is the asana aspect. And considering my style of yoga was already very somatically inclined, and more about the intuitive, interoception than the pose, perhaps it won’t have to change all that much.

Given my diagnosis, I know for at least the time being that I shouldn’t be jumping up and down, nor should I perform twists towards the side of the injury. Away is fine. Nor can I lie supine without neck support. For now, I also need to stay away from poses that put undo pressure into my arm or shoulder such as downdog and plank. While backbends would likely be helpful for my herniated disk, the arthritis and stenosis would preclude me from doing any, at least in the fashion that traditional yoga teaches. Certainly, I won’t want to bear any body weight on my head or neck, as in plough pose (a favorite) or headstand (which I never did anyway!), and I need to be mindful with arms overhead. Forward bends are a go, though. Woohoo!

Here also is where I am grateful that my movement practice has never been limited to yoga. Certain energization exercises (as taught by Paramhansa Yogananda) and somatic exercises are still good as are some developmental movement explorations. I can also indulge in restorative poses, nerve glides, chi gong, tensegrity, and pranayama (of course!).

Whatever I do do, I just have to practice what I always preach: work slowly, let the body lead, and honor your limitations. Going through this is making me a master of pose modifications and variations, which leads more into my third point above about being a better teacher. Though I just realized, I hate that word, ‘teacher’. I want to be more of a facilitator to movement exploration.

So there it is. That’s where things currently stand for this wounded yogini. Stay tuned for more posts about my personal yoga theory and upcoming changes to my classes this Fall.

 

The Path of Kriya Yoga

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On 2019-06-28

In Blog, Yoga & Movement

Since January of this year, I have been taking Raja Yoga courses with Ananda.org in preparation to receive the yogic practice of Kriya later this year. Kriya itself simply means “technique” and refers to the actions one takes on the path of Raja Yoga. Raja Yoga pertains to the highest goal of yoga…self-realization. It is inclusive of all forms of yoga: absorption through meditation, bhakti or devotion, right action (including asana), and wisdom attainment through reflection and contemplation.
So on July 4th, a day that marks liberty in my homeland, I will be vowing discipleship to this beautiful yogic lineage and Paramahansa Yogananda, the one who brought Kriya yoga to the West. He’s no longer in physical body but very much alive in the beauty and refinement of his teachings and in his ability to deeply penetrate hearts and souls.
 
Discipleship? Will You Be Shaving Your Head? Moving to a Convent?
Taking discipleship vows is a commitment and is my way of affirming that I desire to follow God’s will and not my personal egoic will. It means that I am willing to open my heart to God and dissolve the self in that love. It means that I am committed to freeing myself from my attachments and the delusions of this world…however long it takes. It means I am asking for help. This lineage, specifically Yogananda, will be my trusted guide for as long as it may take. It doesn’t require head-shaving, Himalayan caves, tattoos, or passing out flowers at airports (though that could be fun)!
 
So You Worship This Yogananda Now?
Yogananda is not the object of my devotion, but a reminder of it. The devotion is to the Truth. All the glory is God’s.
 
Don’t You Want to Steer Your Own Destiny?
In the way the question implies, not really. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. Dielle, who hates to be told what to do and what to think and who has spent lifetimes seeking happiness outside herself is ready now to align herself with something greater. Right from the beginning of my experiences with Ananda, I knew I had finally connected to a lineage of Masters that truly had the potential to lead me home. I’m not giving up anything…anything that I won’t lose someday anyway. I am gaining the real and eternal.
 
I want to be clear because I know there is a a lot of confusion out there about what a guru is and isn’t. The mantra “be your own guru” is a popular one, one I’ve chanted myself plenty of times, and that is indeed the aspiration. But just as a surgeon should learn from someone with experience before applying what he’s studied in books, the surest way to advance on the spiritual path of self-realization is to align with someone who has achieved it. One could attempt to make this journey without a guru, but how many lifetimes would it take? I prefer to walk in the footsteps of successful others.
I also want to explain that this isn’t some kind of savior complex. I am not redeemed by Yogananda. I am redeemed through my own energy, thoughts, and actions. Neither does this mean I cannot work with or benefit from other teachers or paths. It is simply a commitment to one set of practices for my personal practice. It is an agreement of trust. Part of my dharma in this life has been exploring many paths from many lands; now I find that everything coalesces harmoniously into this lineage.
 
To Share or Not to Share
This is a really important juncture in my life and one I debated whether to announce for many reasons. Will there be way too many misunderstanding or critisicms? Will I lose clients who fear I might start trying to get them to drink the cool-aid? Will people now expect me to be some perfected representation when I am all too human with my own shadows to conquer? I have a duty to myself to be transparent. And I sincerely want to declare the deeply personal impact this yogic lineage has had on me and my life and then prove it through how I live. That will take effort, discipline, practice and time. That will take yoga! All I can say is, I’ve known nothing so sweet as the energetic transmissions of Yogananda, and I’ve been blessed with some incredibly sweet teachers and experiences in my life.
 
So Are You All Religious Now?
To be clear, Kriya Yoga is not a religion. It’s really a practice, but the teachings do make reference to words that some might find difficult. I do! I still find myself triggered from time to time when a word or phrase reminds me of Catholic mass! Yogananda, in bringing Yoga to the West, did his utmost to make it accessible to the Christian faith. Of course, it isn’t really about the words. It’s about Truth, and words will always fall short. Even that word, God, is one easily adulterated by misunderstanding and/or misinterpretation. Infinite Spirit, Cosmic Heart, Source of All, Divine Mother & Father, Universal Intelligence… it’s all the same thing. How can one name the nameless? Albeit practical, the naming only creates the illusion of division among people and the stories we tell about the word keep us from seeing who and what we truly are.
 
I haven’t “joined a cult’, nor will I be doing any door-to-door conversions or anything even remotely that silly. But it will of course influence the way that I teach and certainly the type of energy I transmit to my family, friends, and yoga students. But I haven’t forgotten that there are many paths back to our True Nature, of course, and as long as each fulfills the person taking it, making him or her happier and more loving, that is reason alone to respect it.
 
Now the real work begins. Inward and Upward!

On God and Guru: Cleaning Our Symbols to Access Their Gifts

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On 2019-03-11

In Blog

In my books, The Unknown Mother and Your True Voice, there are three chapters dealing specifically with the power of our words. In those chapters, what I refer to as the 3rd Gate (Letters), 4th Gate (Words), and 5th Gate (Storytelling) of Sound, I shared many practices about empowering our words, reclaiming definitions, and creating meanings that resonate with and empower us. 

There are no two words quite as sticky with an equal potential to transform our lives as God and Guru.

On God

God is a very ancient English word that summons up images of an old man with a beard doling out judgment for good and bad behavior. Many people declare without hesitation, “I don’t believe in God”. And why should they, if their idea of God is as small as an aged man floating in the clouds or even something so small as to represent only certain people.

But I have to laugh when people say they don’t believe in God. Just take a good, hard look at what obsesses you. You may very well find your God there. And just like God is the masterful creator of the Universe, so too are your thoughts about God…or Guru…the filters of your perceptions.

God is, in a way, whatever one focuses upon. If your thoughts revolve around money, money is your God. It is either benevolent or punishing, grace-filled or wrathful. You either love your God or loathe your God, but the power it has is the power you’ve given it. And by your focus, so you design your experience of life.

If your thoughts revolve around health, then health becomes your God. If you suffer an illness, God may seem cruel and unjust. When your health is good, God seems loving and forgiving. Every belief you hold about the expansive topic of health is a part of your God and reality, and there your power is either put to good use or trapped, depending upon your focus.

On Guru

For Western minds, the concept of guru isn’t quite as old as God, but there’s an equal amount of misunderstanding surrounding this term. For some even among my friends, a guru is nothing more than a narcissistic sociopath feeding on the vulnerable. For others, a guru is an infallible being worthy of absolute and unquestioning devotion. Both of these go so far beyond the actual meaning of the word.

These two concepts, God and Guru, store our energy and the power of our belief within them, as do all words. It is because they are so very charged that we owe it to ourselves to work with them to clean them up.

Save yourself the baby when you toss the bathwater. If you object to organized religion, have your beef with that, not the word “God” and man’s adulteration of what s/he represents. If you object to “guru worship” and those that blindly follow fallible beings or those who victimize fragile minds, have your beef with that, not with the word “guru” itself.

If we do otherwise, we are likely to automatically discount, ignore, or even completely fail to see what is right in front of us when it could be to our benefit.

Both & Neither

Neither God nor Guru are any of these things the minds concocts. God and Guru have much less to do with being human and everything to do with what is beyond our understanding. These two terms can point us to a much bigger truth. But terms will be terms, and definitions, generally agreed upon, will be necessary for effective communication. Problem is, humans don’t really communicate from generally agreed upon definitions. Instead, we argue from highly emotional and egoic connotations. God becomes that thing we grew up with that was always judging us or making us fearful of our mistakes and missteps. Guru remains nothing more than that cult-like character in a exposing documentary who victimized followers.

We need to purify both symbols, God and Guru, in order to realize the power within them for ourselves and the limitless grace either of them has the potential to bring into our lives when we do. God can simply be “divine power”. Guru can simply be “teacher”. Remove from these words the adulterations and divisions that arise from religions and other belief structures and you clear a path towards the experience of exhaltation.

In Sanskrit, Gu represents “darkness” and “ru” means “that which dispels”. So a guru dispels ignorance and illusion. Keeping it that simple, who wouldn’t want to find a truthworthy guru to follow? Guru is not the dirty word it has become in pop culture.

Do you really want to carry around a concept tainted by your wounds, traumas, imaginings, resentments and prejudices? Or would you rather utilize something in its purest, pristine form that gives you access to something beyond the confines of human minds?

As For Me…

I relate quite well to the concept of guru, having been a school teacher long before I ever became a yoga teacher. I don’t follow any one particular guru but I do not hesitate to take inspiration and wisdom from anyone when it is given, whether they bear the label guru or not. I don’t really care how they are living or have lived. If it dispels my own darkness, it serves. Frankly, I rely on the gifts that these sages leave for us. I am my own guru, yes; I blindly follow no one and seek my own experience, as we all should. But I am not quite so arrogant as to think I don’t need the experience and grace of those who have mastered what I have not.

As for God, I don’t know what God is. But I know it is a force with which I have an enduring and benevolent relationship. It wasn’t always that way for me. I had to do the work of deconditioning my mind of the symbol first. And I am so glad I was able, because that transformed symbol is now my entry point into states of deep bliss, penetrating ecstasy, and true faith.

Cleanse these two terms for yourself as a gift to yourself. It is not only liberating, it is life-changing.

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